Visits...if you have never been to a prison....prison on tv is not the reality. I've been doing this for 20 years so I would say my perspective is definitely reality based. The first time I went to visit was exactly 20 years ago this February 14th. It was Valentine's Day and he had just been moved from the county jail to the processing center. Immediate family only....so I took his mom to see him. I had planned on waiting in the car but she told me to come in with her because she wasn't sure what to expect. I went in and the lady working the check in desk was a friend from high school. She was like "what are you doing here?" and I told her I was bringing my boyfriend's mom to see him. She could tell I was disappointed that I wouldn't get to see him so she was like go on back and see your man. I was so happy!! We shared our first kiss that day! :)
Since that time I have visited at 3 places and they are all different in one way or another. The first place was ok. It was a long drive to get there but I would wake up at about 4 in the morning and get on my way. It usually took about 4 hours to get there depending on the weather. Once you are there you sign in and are searched. Depending on the guard this could be a "not so bad experience" or feel like your annual pap smear....even though you still had your clothes on. Most of my visits were "not so bad experiences" I guess I did not look the part of the drug smuggler LOL. Being a teenager and driving 4 hours to see your boyfriend who was doing a life sentence in the worst prison in the state was definitely not the turn I saw my life taking but I did it because I loved him and he loved me and for awhile I was the only lifeline he had. The next place was bad. I never wore the right thing and always had to change. The drive was long and boring and usually we were the only people in the visitation gallery which meant the guards watched us like hawks. Now he is at what he likes to call the "country club" of prisons. Although it is maximum security it is so much more relaxed. The guards do not hassle you as much. My clothes are not a big deal although there are some things that are not allowed. I get to see him 3 times a week. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Most of the guys there have kids and it is mostly families visiting. You see the same people over and over and you feel like you belong to this club. We eat food from vending machines and talk and just enjoy the little time we have together. I realize I am extremely lucky in this sense because I read stories of women who haven't seen their husbands or boyfriends in months or sometimes years. I can not imagine what that must feel like for them. We talk on the phone every day and sometimes I truly forget our circumstances. He helps our girls with their homework and we always discuss what I'm cooking, what bills I've paid, what I watch on TV. He works and makes a little over $60 a month. He usually sends me most of that and keeps a little for himself. I tell him that is not necessary but he wants to feel like he is trying to take care of his family. My hope is that this will all be over this year. I pray daily that this will be the last Valentine's Day I will spend visiting at a prison.
Since that time I have visited at 3 places and they are all different in one way or another. The first place was ok. It was a long drive to get there but I would wake up at about 4 in the morning and get on my way. It usually took about 4 hours to get there depending on the weather. Once you are there you sign in and are searched. Depending on the guard this could be a "not so bad experience" or feel like your annual pap smear....even though you still had your clothes on. Most of my visits were "not so bad experiences" I guess I did not look the part of the drug smuggler LOL. Being a teenager and driving 4 hours to see your boyfriend who was doing a life sentence in the worst prison in the state was definitely not the turn I saw my life taking but I did it because I loved him and he loved me and for awhile I was the only lifeline he had. The next place was bad. I never wore the right thing and always had to change. The drive was long and boring and usually we were the only people in the visitation gallery which meant the guards watched us like hawks. Now he is at what he likes to call the "country club" of prisons. Although it is maximum security it is so much more relaxed. The guards do not hassle you as much. My clothes are not a big deal although there are some things that are not allowed. I get to see him 3 times a week. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Most of the guys there have kids and it is mostly families visiting. You see the same people over and over and you feel like you belong to this club. We eat food from vending machines and talk and just enjoy the little time we have together. I realize I am extremely lucky in this sense because I read stories of women who haven't seen their husbands or boyfriends in months or sometimes years. I can not imagine what that must feel like for them. We talk on the phone every day and sometimes I truly forget our circumstances. He helps our girls with their homework and we always discuss what I'm cooking, what bills I've paid, what I watch on TV. He works and makes a little over $60 a month. He usually sends me most of that and keeps a little for himself. I tell him that is not necessary but he wants to feel like he is trying to take care of his family. My hope is that this will all be over this year. I pray daily that this will be the last Valentine's Day I will spend visiting at a prison.
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